I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
