SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
