Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
