Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
