glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
