watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
