At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
