So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
