i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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