It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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