Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
