She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
