i just google imaged poop.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
