Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
