Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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