now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
