Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
