New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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