I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
