Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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