Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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