Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
