We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
