He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
