Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
