When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
