I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
