I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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