I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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