I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
