remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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