Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
