so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
