BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
