Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
