thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
