he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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