drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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