Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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