As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
