I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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