there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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