It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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