Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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