I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
