I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
