why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
