If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
