The best revenge is premature balding
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
