Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
