if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
