I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
