and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
