New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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