Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
