My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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