Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
