How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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