I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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