i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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