**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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