actually, I'm a sock model
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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