remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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