I'm so fucking centered right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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