when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
