you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
