I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
